Ernie? Where are you? You’ll have to look at this chair again, love. It’s not rocking the way it used to. Like us, getting old, I suppose. 

These windows could do with cleaning, too. How birds get their poo right there, I’ll never know.

Hey, Ernie. There’s that new woman from down the road. It’s the third time this week she’s visited the bloke opposite. What’s his name? I used to know, I’m sure I did. I reckon they’re having an affair. 

I wonder what happened to that redheaded girl he used to see. She seemed nice. Always smiled and waved at me when she waited for him to open his door. Haven’t seen her in ages. I hope he didn’t throw her over for this trollop. Look at the state of her! All fur and no knickers. 

I know, I know. Shouldn’t make judgments. No need to get on your high horse. But sometimes, you can just tell by looking at people, can’t you? 

Fancy a cup of tea?

Here, there’s a van outside the Wallers’ place. Could it be the plumber? It is the plumber who fixes the guttering, isn’t it? I know she had a leak. I think it was the guttering. Might have been the bathroom. 

Come to think of it, that leak was ages ago. They must’ve had it fixed by now. It’s not a delivery van. He’s been there too long. 

I say “he”. Could be a she. Or anywhere in between, these days. Don’t know what the world’s coming to. Ernie? Fancy a cuppa?

Course, it’d be a builder, wouldn’t it? For the guttering, I mean. Or maybe a roofer. 

Looks like Mrs Stanton’s off to the Co-op again. She’s still using that broken-down old shopping trolley. Told her months ago she needs something sturdier. Look at her, wobbling all over the place on those shaky legs of hers. Won’t be my fault if she has another fall. It’ll be the end of her if she breaks something at her age. 

Always tight with her money, that one. Remember that time the church had a whip-round for old Joe’s widow? Conveniently left her purse at home. Promised a fiver the following week. Never happened! 

I say, did you hear what I said about that tea?

Whoopsie daisy! Nearly went over, then, did old Mrs Stanton. She’ll be put in a home soon. Should’ve gone years ago. Bet that daughter of hers won’t let her sell up. Wants to inherit.

I say, Ernie, am I going to have to make that tea myself? Where are you, love?

Oh look! Mrs Stanton’s chatting with someone. Quite animated, she is. Finely-dressed young gent. Who can he be?

That you, Ernie? Come in. What you knocking for? Hope you’re carrying a tray! Push the door with your foot if your hands are full. I was just saying, Mrs Stanton’s talking to a young chap.

Come in! Stop knocking.  

Oh! Who are you? You from the social? Who gave you the key? What’s happened to… that other woman. What’s she called? Where’s Ernie? 

What you looking at me like that for?

Lucy? You’re not Lucy. You’re nothing like my daughter. Too old, for a start. No offense. Where’s Ernie? He went out to make tea.

What do mean passed on? Passed what on? Whatever are you crying for, woman? Get a grip!

What you up to? Leave me alone. Fetch Ernie.

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