When I was little, my Mom gave me the nickname Bunny. Neither of us remember exactly where the name originated, but it has stuck with me throughout my adolescence.

During my senior year of high school, I was voted “Most Likely to Stay in Their Hometown.” When the yearbooks came out, my friends and I flipped through the pages, laughing and pointing at each superlative. When they got to mine, they paused. 

“That’s kinda insulting. Some real backhanded compliment there.” 

My whole family came to move me into my dorm when I left for college the first time. I chose a school three hours away from home because I was desperate to see if I could do it. I knew if I didn’t leave then, I probably never would. After we had unpacked all the personality that I could cram into cardboard boxes and crinkly plastic Ikea bags, it was time for them to leave. Between sniffles and tears, my Mom hugged me and whispered, “I love you Bunny,” before walking out the door. 

In my second year of college, I started walking around campus on weekend mornings. It’s a Dad-approved solution to what he calls “the blues.” From his office 178 miles away, he can tell just by my face on our daily FaceTime calls that I have a serious case. I fix my gaze to the mounted swordfish on his wall, discreetly wiping away tears as he attempts to console me. 

“Come on, sweetie. College is supposed to be fun! You’ll be home again before you know it!” 

Every so often I hear from old friends who left for school in Ohio, New York, and Rhode Island. They share their drunken stories, their tales of beautiful collegiate freedom. Reunited at home during Christmas, I can tell they yearn to be anywhere else. Once shed, you can go back to your old skin. Convinced that I must be doing something wrong, I have to be, I turn to the internet’s home remedies. 

☑ Acknowledge your feelings? 

☑ Join clubs? 

🖿 Exercise? 

So, I walk. I wake up at nine, lace up my sneakers, and walk. 

On my most recent excursion, I explored the underbelly of a newfound academic building. Located underneath a diamond-shaped skylight was a path that led to a small patch of greenery. The garden space was brown and withered by the Pennsylvania winter, but the promise of life was beginning to poke through. I strolled along the walkway, freezing when I heard something rustling in the bushes next to me. Suddenly, a small bundle of dirt-colored fur manifested to my left, barely distinguishable from the dead vegetation that surrounded it. Turning, I made eye contact with my namesake, careful not to startle it. 

Bunnies, or rabbits as they’re also called, are social creatures. In captivity, it’s often recommended that you have a pair of rabbits so they don’t become lonely. Once “bonded” the bunnies shouldn’t be separated. Even when visiting the vet for a solo appointment, you should transport both of them in the same carrier. 

In 1985, Freddie Mercury released “Living on My Own” as the third single from his solo album Mr. Bad Guy. The summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college, I was obsessed with it. For the music video, Mercury used footage from his 39th birthday party in Munich, Germany. Over 300 guests attended, dressed in drag and adorned with feathers, sequins, and leather. The music is so upbeat and the video so visually stimulating, that you almost miss the lyrics. 

“Sometimes I feel I’m gonna break down and cry. Nowhere to go, nothing to do with my time. I get lonely, so lonely, living on my own.”  

When I’d get home from work in the evenings, I’d crank it all the way up. As I waited for my plate of leftovers to warm in the microwave I’d dance along on the cold tile floor of the kitchen, unable to shake the song’s irony out of my head. Freddie Mercury. Frontman of one of the most successful bands in history. A rockstar with all the wealth and fame in the world. Lonely? 

There are many bunnies that live near my dorm on campus. When I walk back in the evenings with dinner after class, sometimes I’ll see them. Always in pairs, they run and chase each other, disappearing into the manicured shrubbery. They make me think of home, a reminder that I’ve committed a cardinal sin in the rabbit-raising world. 

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Notes:

“Bonding and Companionship for Rabbits.” Blue Cross, 04, December 2023. https://www.bluecross.org.uk/advice/rabbit/bonding-and-companionship-for-rabbits

“Combatting Loneliness: Connection in the Digital Age.” Collier Counseling Center NP, 9, March 2024. https://thecollierfoundation.org/blog/f/combatting-loneliness-connection-in-the-digital-age?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwqpSwBhClARIsADlZ_TnQHF2qC3Vci2IkOY_NxKKYrM1IQqEFLiowksLbuniTiXyPxb6Ox9QaAtIxEALw_wcB 

“Facts About Rabbits.” Blue Cross, 09, December 2023. https://www.bluecross.org.uk/advice/rabbit/wellbeing-and-care/facts-about-rabbits 

“Freddie Mercury – Living On My Own (Official Video Remastered)” YouTube, 22, November 2012. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DedaEVIbTkY 

“Living On My Own.” Genius. https://genius.com/Freddie-mercury-living-on-my-own-lyrics 

“Loneliness In College Students Statistics: Market Report & Data.” itnux. 20, December 2023. https://gitnux.org/loneliness-in-college-students-statistics/#:~:text=overall%20college%20experience.-,About%2077%25%20of%20students%20say%20that%20they%20suffer%20from%20loneliness,students%20claim%20to%20experience%20loneliness 

“Watch Freddie Mercury’s legendary 39th birthday party unfold in Living On My Own video.” Louder, 4, October 2019. https://www.loudersound.com/news/watch-freddie-mercurys-legendary-39th-birthday-unfold-in-living-on-my-own-video 

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