Do you wish you could molest and kill women? Torture animals? Torment babies? Indulge in your cannibalistic urges? Are mental institutions constantly trying to lure you back in?
Well, you’ve come to the right place!
Welcome to Contemporary Art, where nobodies become somebodies with a load of baloney!
Gone are the days when talent mattered. No need to be a Monet, painting your garden 30 times just to earn a spot in a museum. Now, you can take a dump, can it, and sell it at an art auction in Milan for $300,000!
But best of all, you finally have an excuse for all your sadistic impulses!
Stopping your car on the highway to snap pictures of a gruesome accident?
Blame it on the art!
Staging a hundred ways to torture babies—tossing them in the air, locking them in cages, stuffing them in ovens, choking them?
Blame it on the art!
Setting human bodies on fire just for fun?
Blame it on the art!
Destroying photos of female icons because you know they’d never sleep with you?
Blame it on the art!
Ever fantasized about slicing dead animals in half and dunking them in formaldehyde, just like your favorite serial killers? Ever thought of profiting off a genocide by stealing Holocaust victims’ ashes and smearing them onto a canvas? What about making meatballs out of your own liposuction fat and eating them in a gallery for an audience?
Well, you’re in luck! Because in Contemporary Art, perversion pays!
Why waste time on antipsychotics and mood stabilizers when you can dunk a crucifix in your own urine and auction it at Sotheby’s for $145,000?
And if anyone dares ask for the meaning behind your “masterpiece,” just remember the golden rule:
“It’s a reflection of a dysfunctional society.”
Contemporary Art, turn your depravity into an ATM!

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